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Abusive women


Nor aught so good, But strained from that fair use,

Revolts from true birth, Stumbling on abuse,

Virtue itself turns vice,

Vice being misapplied.

Shakespeare, Romeo and Juliet, 1, 3

It is said that the female of the species is deadlier that the male, and many men have had the misfortune to have proven this to be true. Even calypso singer Harry Belafonte alluded to this when he sang, “That’s right, the woman is smarter, that’s right.” What he didn’t sing was that the woman was deadlier too.

Abuse in any form is unfortunate and wrong, and sadly our society and others are suffering from this cycle that seems to go unabated. It’s highlighted in the news when men abuse women, and they do it far too frequently. But just like the story of man bites dog, when a woman abuses a man it often gets a mixed reaction.

Some may doubt the authenticity, while others may simply dismiss it, laugh at it, treat it as an aberration and even scoff at the victim for daring to report it. That same victim is often ridiculed for allowing himself to be abused by a woman, but in the same way that female victims feel powerless, male victims often also feel as if they have no path of escape to take, no reprieve from the constant clobbering.

Even for a strong man it’s intolerable, for as indestructible as a rock is, the constant dripping of water will wear it down over a period of time. Abusive women, that’s where I’ll dare to venture today, right after we see what these folks had to say about my opinion on ‘Women’s preferences’ and my footnote regarding the vaccine.

Hi Tony,

I would welcome a woman who expressed her lovemaking preferences. It shows that she is not a prude, is open to sexual discussion, and is providing a lovemaking road map to her body. Women prefer different techniques to be performed on them, so their roadmap is handy and helps the man to navigate to her satisfaction, her sexual landscape. I wish more women would do this as it makes lovemaking so much easier and satisfying to both partners, providing she also accepts your preferences.

Ray

Teerob,

Regarding your footnote on taking the vaccine, the prime minister and minister of health received their jabs to convince the public it is safe with not much of a significant response. Only when Teerob and his better half received their jab, the news spread like wildfire, there is chaos at the vaccination centre, overcrowding. I’m just trying to make a little joke there. My experience at the Princess Margaret Hospital, Morant Bay, was amazing, very well organised. Thank you for encouraging the public about COVID vaccination…saving lives.

Metta

There have been some women of dubious notoriety in our colourful history who have driven fear in the hearts, minds and souls of many men who happened to cross their paths. I’m not sure if anyone remembers women like the feared Man Joyce who, legend has it, could fight any man and flatten him with a ferocious head butt that rivalled that of any raging bull.

“My word, look how de woman buck de man like bull cow and knock him out.”

It wasn’t chronicled if she was an abusive woman or not, but only that she could defend herself and no man would mess with her because of this. But there are women who actually abuse men in the most horrible ways, and professor Herbert Gayle, social anthropologist, outlined that of the all the reported cases of domestic abuse, 40 per cent are from abused men.

Understandably, many of these cases are not reported to the police, as the shame and ridicule that go with it is often more difficult to bear than the actual abuse.

“Are you saying that your wife beat you on a regular basis? Man, please leave the station.”

“Sarge, yuh hearing this? Hahaha.”

But it’s no laughing matter, for the victims of domestic abuse see no humour in their plight, predicament, perennial pain.

Recently there have been two videos making the rounds on social media and also on mainstream media. One shows a burly woman draping up a man in his pants waist and slapping him repeatedly with the broad side of a machete.

Clearly she was skilled in the use of the implement, for he didn’t get cut, but his emotional wounds were deep. She slapped him and she slapped him and there was no voice saying, slap no more, so she continued to slap the hell out of him. Not once did the man retaliate. Her motive, it’s alleged, was that he was spreading spurious gossip about her.

The other video showed a woman slapping and punching a man in full view of countless observers. He, too, did not retaliate, and to add fuel to the fire, people actually chided and berated him as she rained blows down.

Some shouted, “Idiot man, sof’ man, wutless bwoy mek de ooman hangle yuh suh.” Someone even handed the woman a piece of board resembling a two by four to increase her persistent pummelling and vicious attack on the hapless victim.

While she continued her barrage of blows, she could be heard saying, “Lick me if yuh bad, tump me if yuh tink say yuh bad.” The man did not, much to his credit. Those two instances were in full public view and captured on phone cameras; however, there are countless others that never see the light of day, but are the shame of many helpless, harangued men who suffer in silence.

They live in an emotional purgatory, trapped in a vortex at the nexus of a universe from which there is no escape. For many it’s in the form of slaps or shoves, until she increases the tempo with punches and kicks. Surprisingly, many of the men are not small in stature, but they refuse to retaliate. Maybe it’s how they were brought up, never to hit a woman.

The women, on the other hand, ah bwoy, the research says that a woman’s upbringing will make her into an abuser. Chances are her parents were abusive to her, or previous partners were.

“Her ex husband used to abuse her, so she take it out pon dis one, poor man.”

This refusal to retaliate gives the woman encouragement to abuse the man even more, for she feels her strength, and her power grows as his decreases. She knows that he won’t strike back, so like all bullies do, she increases the tempo.

Can you imagine what would happen if, after that first blow that man delivered a liberating left hook or an uplifting uppercut? Not only would she never dare hit him again, but he’d be reported to the police for abuse and possibly arrested. After all, who’s going to believe that she was the abuser? It goes against logic, just like the man bites dog story.

‘Staggering statistics of these abuses, truly undeniable, but it’s instructive how shame and pride blanket the emotional and psychological pain that men go through at the hands of abusive women across the world. Men mercilessly beaten, slapped, pinched, bitten, kicked by their wife.’

That’s from a research paper. It’s startling how many papers have been written on the subject: ‘Help for men who are abused’; ‘Help for battered men’; ‘Inside the mindset of women who abuse men’, and others.

Do you remember the song by Shelly Thunder? “Sometimes a man fi get kuff fi get kuff fi get kuff, a man fi get kuff fi get kuff.” And guess what, it’s not only physical abuse, but emotional, mental, spiritual and sexual yes, sexual. Women abuse men sexually by dangling, daring, denying the men sex.

She teases, titillates, tempts, toys, tantalises, then snatches it away like a child who takes away her goodies and refuses to let the other kids enjoy. Now you see it, now you don’t. Nothing for you tonight, maybe next week, or next month, if she feels like. That puts a different spin on sexual abuse.

Others abuse verbally, sometimes in private, oftentimes in public, always putting the man down, constantly criticising, cursing, berating, never encouraging, never a kind word. It’s not physical, there are no scars, but the intangibility of it does not make it any less painful. The bottom line is, women who abuse men have absolutely no respect for them whatsoever.

And you wonder why some men refuse to go home until they absolutely have to, many biding their time in bars and hideaway spots. But curfew mash that up. There have been so many studies done, so many papers written to pore over, as abusive women pour scorn on poor men.

It’s a secret shame that many people do not speak about, it’s like the Twilight Zone, the Bizarro World of Superman comics, the underground labyrinths in the bowels of Hades that many men are trapped in. Abusive women are real.

More time.

seido1yard@gmail.com

Footnote: Many people just seem to be angry all the time. A friend of mine was in the supermarket and simply asked a man if he was in the checkout line or not as he was standing off to the side. The angry response was, “Don’t ask me nuh question.” Another was in the line at a fast food restaurant when a woman came too close to him, so he stepped back re COVID protocol. Well, a man proceeded to cuss him mercilessly, using all sorts of homophobic slurs and accused him of not liking women. “Yu is b…y man or what?” And these were uptown establishments too. Lastly, another was in a minor fender bender and someone came out of the car and shot him dead. We are a people on edge and you dare not even look at anyone or say anything.

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