Cannot let go

Thou art a boil, a plague sore,

An embossed carbuncle

In my corrupted blood.


Even after cursing that person in the most vile way, he or she is still not leaving the relationship. Do you know what a boil is, a plague sore, a carbuncle, much less an embossed one? Oh my. A carbuncle is an infested cluster of bolls that occur under the skin, so you can just imagine how terrible they must be. And still, the person will not leave the relationship.

That individual is hooked, even though they know that their partner has infected their very being, their soul, their blood. Try as they might, they just can’t let go. There is an old saying, ‘If you love something, set it free; if it comes back, it’s yours. If it doesn’t, it never was.’ I like that phrase so much that I have it hung up on a wall in my house, and it’s something that I live by. But beware, for there’s a version that I’ll share with you later.

You cannot force yourself on someone or force them to love you. Too many people cling desperately to relationships that have run their course, gone south, finished, terminated, when the sparks no linger flicker and the embers have lost their glow and turned to ashes. You get the picture?

Well, others may not have got the memo or chose to ignore it and refuse to let go. Unfortunately this often ends violently, as one party refuses to accept that the relationship has ended, the party’s over, the writing is on the wall and the dolly house mash up.

This applies to men and women, but the men do seem to have a penchant for violence because they refuse to let go. “Yu cyaan lef’ me, it nah guh suh.”

We’ll see what that’s all about, right after these words of wisdom to my take on ‘Words of infidelity’.

Hi Tony,

Some people just can’t keep their mouths shut. Guys like to boast about their infidelity to their male friends as a badge of honour, something to be proud of. I can just imagine the boasting resulting in high fives and back slapping. The friends then go on to blab to their wives and girlfriends, who then pass on the information to the one that has been bunned. Words of infidelity can be a vicious cycle.


Hey Teerob,

Words usually precede the deeds, and words also come after the deeds. People are blessed or cursed with a conscience that often weighs them down. As a result, they have to tell even one person what they have done to ease this emotional burden. Many husbands have blurted out to their wives their infidelity, and many wives have confessed to theirs, often to a shocked husband or to a girlfriend. Words are liberating.


There is something about clinging, hanging on, never letting go that must be a singularly human characteristic. I say human because animals certainly do not exhibit this condition. All mothers love their offspring desperately, as you’ll find out if you get between a dog and her puppies, and yet in the animal kingdom, the mothers know when to let go, sever the navel string as we say in Jamaica.

Even after the mother bird has reared her chicks after they emerged from the eggs, fed and nurtured them, protected them with her life from the elements and predators, at some point she literally kicks those fledglings out of the nest to fend for themselves. Tough love they call it.

That is the only way that they will grow. But not so with many human mothers who cling to their children, especially their sons, extending an invisible womb and an everlasting umbilical cord long after the child has turned into an adult.

Some of these mothers cannot let go and have their grown sons still living with them way up into their 40s. How will those boys ever get mature enough to build a relationship with a woman? Interestingly, men who fall into that category hardly fall into the arms of a female, rarely have women of their own.

Maybe that’s the plan, maybe the mothers don’t want to lose their sons to any other female and therefore do not ever let go of their boys. Young ladies, take my advice, if you meet such a man, a man in his 30s still living with his mother, beat a hasty retreat, get out of Dodge City, flee like a bat out of hell, for that relationship with that man-boy will be going nowhere.

But let’s jump to other types of relationships where people refuse to let go. In many instances the writing has been on the wall for a very long time. So much so that it’s etched on the faces of the couple, or at least on one of them, written in stone, embossed and burnished on the souls of the aggrieved party. And still, they won’t let go.

“How yu look so sad and miserable all the time? If it’s not working leave the man.”

“I just can’t let go.”

As the above Shakespeare quote suggested, even though the person is hurting and suffering from the emotional poison that they are subjected to, they still refuse to let go.

“Why do you stay with her even though she treats you like crap?”

“I can’t help it, I just have a weakness for sweetness. I just can’t let go.”

That’s when the couple is ambling along with the illusory semblance of a healthy relationship and refuses to let go of each other. When it gets dangerous though, is when one party decides to end it, and the other refuses to sign those emotional release papers, cut the ties that bind, refuses to let go.

That’s when hell and powderhouse explodes, erupts, bangarang pop, and as the phrase goes, ‘cry havoc and let slip the dogs of war’. In many cases the man refuses to accept that it has ended and that she doesn’t want him anymore. He simply refuses to let go, and that can turn deadly.

Over the past few weeks we have seen a slew of these situations where men refuse to release their partners from the hell that they have thrust upon them. They refuse to let go of a relationship that she no longer wants and really bring a literary meaning to the term, ‘Til death do us part.’

Is it that the p..m p..m sweet him so much that he cannot live without it? Or is it that his fragile ego just can’t stand the prospect that the woman has left him? Maybe it’s the thought of another man plunging his dipstick into the crankcase of the engine that he used to drive that drives him crazy and makes him turn violent.

“Lack of nookie hath driven him mad,” say the soothsayers and medical experts. It’s a temporary insanity, a crime of passion that the French have in their legal lexicon. Whatever it is, there are men who simply refuse to let go, and women who get involved with them have literally signed their death warrant.

“Do you take this man to love, honour, and obey until death do you part?”

“Er, whose death parson, mine?”

Is it strength or is it weakness why people cannot let go? Should you show strength and fight to hold on, or be deemed weak when you walk away?

“Some think holding on is strong, but sometimes it is letting go.” So said Herman Hess.

“Holding on is believing that there’s only a past, letting go is knowing that there’s a future,” said Daphne Rose Kingma.

Now, all those sayings sound so poetic, so eloquent, so wise, so inspiring, but I daresay have no meaning when a deranged man decides to wield a machete and chop up someone who doesn’t want him but instead wants out of the relationship. Or, if a man shoots his former lover because she moved on and away from him.

Not letting go can have deadly consequences, but sadly it’s nothing new, as people, mostly men, have exhibited an adhesion to women who have left them that not even Krazy Glue or Gorilla Glue can match.

In extreme cases it’s the crime clich of ‘a love triangle gone bad,’ or a ‘murder suicide’ because he couldn’t deal with the break-up. If you love something, set it free, if it comes back, it’s yours, if it doesn’t, hunt it down and kill it. I told you that there’s a sinister version to that saying. That is the mantra of many men who are incapable of letting go.

More time.


Footnote: It is said that only two things are certain and that’s death and taxes. Well, make that three, for when it comes to those gambling pick 3, pick 4 or pick 5, take your pick spots that are broadcast on TV, nothing short of hell or high water can stop them from being aired. TVJ has them at various slots including 8:35 pm on the dot, no matter what, and has even cut in on the prime minister’s speech to broadcast results. Now, CVM TV airs them at 8:20 pm and has also cut into programmes to accommodate them. No force on earth can stop the broadcast of these gambling shows. I’ve always said that if the second coming of the Messiah was being aired live on TV they’d cut that too to broadcast these gambling result shows.

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