We are such stuff
As dreams are made on,
And our little life
Is rounded with a sleep,
WE may very well be the stuff that dreams are made of, but many of us can only dream of the stuff that we should be. So very often people put forth an impression of what they are not, and you know what they say, “First impression is lasting.”
What they also say is that “There’s never a second time to make a first impression,” so you had better make that first impression a darn good one. At times that great first impression may work but after a while the faade is lifted and the true self emerges. “You only have one first chance to make one first impression that lasts a lifetime.” So said Nas, American rapper.
That first impression may impress some people, but there are certain things that are done or said that can have the opposite effect, making the person who you’re trying to impress flee like a pickpocket running from an angry crowd.
There are certain things that women say to men that make those guys lose interest really quickly and that first impression is usually the first and last time that they judge. That’s where we’re going today, first impressions and the words that impact negatively, right after these impressive responses to ‘COVID curfew’.
Here in Ontario there is a stay-at-home order in place for the next few weeks as COVID cases have increased recently. We are asked to remain at home and go out only for groceries, gas and medical reasons. However, not everyone abides by this order, and some people do as they please as there is no enforcement in place. The Ontario Government mandated that the police stop everyone on the road to ascertain their reason for being out and where they lived. There was a major uproar over this and the Government withdrew the order immediately. Freedom prevailed, even for those idiots who refused to abide by the protocols.
This curfew business does not mean anything to many Jamaicans who just see it as a means to curtail their hustling and their fun. They have no regard for health protocols and will do anything to be out on the streets, having their own way or mingling by the thousands in their illegal parties. Some even make a game of it, as they play catch me if you can when the police raid the party venues as they scramble away laughing gleefully. COVID curfew is only for the law-abiding folks.
So, here you go on that first encounter, that all-important first date that can forge the foundation of your romantic future as anything that happens there may put things on the line, hang things in the balance, depending on what you may say or not say.
Your interest may be piqued by her looks, but when she starts to speak it’s an entirely different matter and you quickly lose interest when she says certain things. But what could she possibly say that would shatter that first impression and make you beat a hasty retreat?
One huge negative is her first utterance of matters that are financial. Remember, this is your first date, and that first impression is crucial. You’ve come with your ‘A’ game, even put on your best cologne. What did she bring to the table?
Well, as you both sit across that said table, you munching on the stew chicken, while she’s ripping into that lobster tail, her first words are, “My rent, light, water and cable bills are due next week.” Her ordering the lobster should have been a giveaway regarding the type of person that she is.
But when you hear that shopping list of utility bills you almost choke on the chicken, but still manage to maintain your composure and break a half smile, pretending that you didn’t hear. But she makes sure that her words strike home and repeats the list of unpaid utilities, almost waxing poetic as if it’s something that she’s done before.
Immediately, all thoughts of taking her home to consummate matters at the end of a pleasant evening are dashed, not to mention the possibility of having a long-term future with her, which is shattered. If this is how she is on the first date as she tries to impress you, and her demands are so deep, can you just imagine what the future will bring?
As the old saying goes, “Tek sleep mark death.” What’s even worse is, if on that first date her first words are, “Can you send me some phone credit?” That must be the biggest turn-off of all, which may be even more egregious than asking for those other utility bills to be paid, the nadir of neediness.
Somehow begging for phone credit is more than a bit infra dig, and certainly not what you’re looking for in a woman. So interest is lost very quickly. That interest may have been sexual at first, but sex can be a real deal-breaker or deal-maker when it comes to first impressions. It’s a delicate balancing act that determines whether the man should show increased interest or beat a hasty retreat.
If on that very first date, after he wines and dines her, she allows him to take her back to his place for sex, that, ironically, can be a deal-breaker. Afterwards he may think, “Imagine, I just meet her and she jump into bed with me. I wonder how often she do this?”
Yes, being an easy lay can be a bad first impression. At least it used to be back in the day when men used to court women. To compound this, when a woman talks about her sexual history on that first date, going into lurid explicit details about her activities, that can be a terrible first impression that makes some men flee.
“I got tired of men using me for sex over the years, so I started using them for sex instead.”
“Over the last 10 months I had 10 men who couldn’t satisfy me sexually.”
Whoa, hold on Nellie, that’s a bit too much information to make a good first impression.
Most men would lose interest at that point but there’s an irony, for remember, I told you about that delicate balance. The reverse can have the same effect on the potential future of the relationship if, upon bringing up the subject of sex on that first date, she makes it clear that she has no intentions of having sex with you or anyone any time soon, and can take it or leave it, or rather leave it more than take it.
Talk about a turn-off and instant loss of interest on your part when she says, “Sex is not enjoyable, but only to have children. I can do without it.” Now, which normal man in his right sexual mind is going to consider going even one step further with that woman?
After he tabulates how much he’s spent on the evening, and then calculates how much the future will cost him, computes the cost benefit analysis and determines the diminishing returns, he’s outta there faster than Marshall Dillon can say, “Get out of Dodge City.”
The bombshell though, the mother of all utterances, is when she tells you on the first date, “Oh, by the way, I’m pregnant.” Now, which man in his right mind is going to even consider taking it one step further with this woman who just dropped this thunderclap on him? Well, singer Seal did marry model Heidi Klum who told him on their first date that she was pregnant for another man, but I have my theories why.
Maybe the only thing that’s comparable is if she tells the man that she has three children for four different men, and one of them is in prison for murder.
“Cho, he didn’t really mean to kill him, but he caught me in bed with another guy. He’s so jealous.”
That first encounter can be so important in people’s lives, and that’s why many people do their utmost best to make a great first impression – even if it means concealing their true self until later on.
“By the time I mad him with the sex, nothing else will matter to him.”
I know that some of the scenarios that I mentioned may seem far-fetched, a bit over the top, but I can assure you, all are real experiences from various men. I must thank actor Paul Skeen for inspiring this expos and supplying the research material. Remember, you never get a second chance to make a first impression.
Footnote: Jungle justice. That phrase has such a violently romantic ring to it. And yet even as it is condemned by the moral authority it is secretly praised and justified by the aggrieved. A senator in Parliament expressed that if his female relatives were done harm and the justice system failed, he would resort to jungle justice to avenge their honour. After much hue and cry, he retracted his statement and said that it was his personal feelings and that he wasn’t advocating it. But isn’t that what many Jamaicans feel and also say in verandah talk? When people see murderers walk free because of technicalities, they feel that justice was not served. When people catch a man raping a child and know that if he’s taken in, chances are he will beat the charge, they mete out swift justice. I recently saw a video from the Middle East where a child rapist, caught in the act, was taken out in the street and executed by the police. State justice.
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